I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
