By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
