the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
