New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
