Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
