my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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