im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
