Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
