i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
