Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
