I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
