After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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