You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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