i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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