hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
