the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So vagazzling was a success
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