does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
