You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
