Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
