She went from zero to smokin in five shots
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
