I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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