I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Life is so much better after having sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
