Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
