I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need to sanitize my soul.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
