The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
