i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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