Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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