You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
