I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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