Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
