me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
