yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
