I molested 6 butterflies tonight
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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