Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
