the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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