This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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