i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
