I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
