That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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