just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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