he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
