My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
