just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
