He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
