Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
