after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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