I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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