if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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