he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
