giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am one with the molecules
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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