I have demons in me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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