I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
