Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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