I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
