My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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